I have been privileged
I have been privileged to be able to take time for self-reflection and not just a moment but an investment of three years. I gifted myself something that is rare in our western world, time to just be. The time I have taken is well beyond what I expected to take. I thought I would write a book and then get on with my life. Little did I know the journey I was embarking on.
I thought the book was about dreaming the world differently. Yet first, it seems I had to shed much of myself in order to take on that dream.
In between time
This has been my in-between time. A time of slowing the pace that I had set for myself. A time of letting go of the need to run at peak performance all day every day. I call it my in-between time because I was not yet embracing who I was becoming and not quite letting go of who I was. I oscillated between peaceful stillness and I have to do more.
What opened up was space for self-reflection. A space to sit in my own discomfort.
My shadow
In my times of stillness, I have come face to face with my shadow. My shadow, in fact, roared into my life and I tried to ignore her. The more I ignored her the louder and more persistent she got. It was time to deeply dive into the dark well of who I was and acknowledge what was there. I have discovered myself in that well. By reflecting on what went wrong and what part I played in it, I discovered freedom. The freedom that comes when I sit with the uncomfortableness of acknowledging the parts of me that I had so desperately wanted to hide. In my stillness, I met my shadow and danced with her. I danced with my resentment, my anger, my frustration, my hurt. In that dance, I discovered my truth.
Drop labels and identities
I was challenged to drop labels and identities that meant more to me than I thought. I noticed how programmed I was to value doing over being. Yet it was doing that did me in. So for a time, I was to embrace being. Being without judgment. A difficult task for a woman who demanded so much of herself.
I feel like my in-between time is coming to a close and it is time to integrate the gifts of my self-reflection.
Self-reflection is important
The one thing I have come to understand in every cell of my being is the importance of self-reflection. Not just once in awhile but consistently, daily. Taking time to really observe myself and notice. Notice how I am reacting, how I am feeling and getting curious about what that is all about. What lies in the deep well under each reaction and each emotion. There is a whole story under there, one that is crying out to be unravelled.
It is in unravelling we find our truth.
Self-Reflection
How much space are you allowing in your life for self-reflection?
Are you dancing with your shadow or allowing it to dance you? It’s time to get curious.