With newness comes chaos

I have discovered, or perhaps rediscovered, the chaos the newness can bring. My first few weeks of my PhD. have been all about newness – new expectations, new places, new people, new commute, new computer, new software, new challenges and new ways of doing things.

I love the diversity. I love being in a place that is so energized by learning and ideas. My mind is being stretched in ways it has not been for a very long time. I am feeling alive as a result.

I am also way outside my expertise and to a certain extent outside my comfort zone.

I am working to find my rhythm

It is hard to find rhythm in chaos. There is a trust within me that I will settle into a rhythm, in a few weeks I will find what works for me. I keep telling myself it will come, you will figure it out, don’t panic. You have been in this place before and have made organization somehow from the chaos.

Perhaps this is why

This is definitely a reminder of why we perhaps don’t like change. Even in the change, we want for ourselves, there is disruption. There is this sense of loss of control and loss of the comfort of having been back there. Back there really is just the familiar. There is something comforting about the familiar. Change brings disruption of the familiar. It interrupts our comfort.

It is the memory of the chaos that comes with the change, the sense of being ejected from our comfort that keeps us from changing.

I am questioning myself

The newness has me questioning myself:

• Is this the right thing for me?
• Am I capable?
• Will I make it through this?
• How can I make this easier?
• Where can I find the support I need?

I feel exhilarated

There is something exhilarating about the new and that keeps me going. It is the sense of adventure and challenge that keeps me on track. It is from that place of adventure a voice rises out of the chaos and reminds me:

• You will get through this
• You will find your way
• You will find a rhythm that works for you
• Be patient, relax, breathe
• This is what you want
• You will find comfort again

I invite you to remember

When you are in the midst of change, don’t focus on the chaos. Embrace the newness and look for a way to create structure in the chaos and remember to take steps to look after yourself.

My step to look after myself is to cut back a bit on my blog. So you can expect to see me once per month for a while rather than every other week.

What step can you take to support yourself today?

Remember you are amazing, you are so capable, you are unique and you are worth celebrating.