Have you ever found yourself repetitively helping others do their job?
It seems like a good idea.
You’re a nice person, nice people help.
You may even feel good about helping out and getting their work done for them. You get to feel the sweetness of accomplishing something and doing it well.
That sweetness can turn to bitterness
That sweetness can turn to bitterness when you start to feel exhausted or when you recognize that you did it again. You start to beat yourself up for having expended your energy because of someone else didn’t do their job. That could leave you feeling resentful, frustrated and angry. Especially when nobody knows it was your hard work and your helpfulness that made it happen and when you see that helpless coworker taking an extended lunch with friends. Those types of emotions are going to do nothing for maintaining a healthy relationship with that helpless coworker.
So how do you overcome the pattern?
Decide on the outcome you really want. I can imagine the outcome you might like is that your coworker gets his own work done, that you are liked and respected by your coworker, that your time is honoured, that you feel good about how you handled the situation, that you feel energized about your own work. Now you know the outcome you want. It’s time to figure out how to make that happen.
A different outcome requires a different approach. What would you have to do differently to create the outcome that you want? My sense is the first thing you need to do is create space to think before reflexively saying “yes, I can do that”. Take a breath. Ask a question like, “what are you stuck on?” Rember this person is capable. They were hired into the position because they are capable. Hold them as capable.
Consider the beliefs you have that created the pattern. Perhaps you believe that to be a nice person, you are supposed to help or people won’t like you if you don’t help them or perhaps you believe nobody on your team values your time.
It’s time to shift that belief. Until you shift the belief that causes the pattern it won’t be easy to change your behaviour and get a different outcome. Your new belief could be: I want to be respected at work and hold people capable or I want to believe that my time is valued by others on my team or I am important in this situation.
Choose a different approach. Once your belief is different you can choose to act differently. and saying, “I can’t take that on right now” may be just what you need to have your time valued by your team and hold others capable.
Next time you are asked to do someone else’s work for them:
- pause, take a breath, don’t let the reflexes jump in
- think about what is best for you in this situation
- what is the outcome that you would like
- take steps that honour your needs and establish clear boundaries
- the result will be – an outcome that works for you
It can be tough to break old patterns. Practice different behaviours so you can sustain yourself and thrive.
Remember you are amazing. You are capable. You are unique and you are worth celebrating.
Alison